guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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