the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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