so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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