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Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
