Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
