Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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