I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You may now shotgun with the bride
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
