im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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