The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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