sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
