Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
