He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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