I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She bit a glass in half.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
