U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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