I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
