I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
