FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
