the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize