dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
