but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I touched a dick in church today
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
