Sponge bath it is.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
