i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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