would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just gargled with NyQuil
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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