i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize