There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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