things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
