I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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