He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
