I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
