Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
