...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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