His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
