This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
