"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize