honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize