i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
