I want to have your abortion
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Let's paint friendship bongs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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