Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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