Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
