He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
