I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
