absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
