drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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