I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
