I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
