We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
