I just pynch a tree in the face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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