Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
