he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
