to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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