Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
