If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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