Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
