While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
