jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
