I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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