thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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