3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
