I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
