I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
