I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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