Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
