it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
