I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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