drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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