Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
