last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
