I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
