I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
