And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize