Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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