look no pants
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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