More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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