So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
