i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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