If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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