I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
