Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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