Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize