Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
