It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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